her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
