I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
