why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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