it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
