Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
