I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
