she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
