i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
