I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
