Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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