I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
