your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Randomize
