i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
