It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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