Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
