Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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