...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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