She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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