he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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