This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
