Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
