..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm home, then i'll come over
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.