I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear