It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
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You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice