The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.