do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
