oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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