Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
