i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
