don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
