So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
