the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
