I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Welp...herpes.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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