Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
