How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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