if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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