she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
