so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your cock deserves a montage
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
