I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
