Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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