i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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