Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
