i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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