If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
