The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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