I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize