Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
