If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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