Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
