i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
