1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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