If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
