I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
