I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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