good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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