thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
