My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
