dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
