girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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