is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
