What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
