In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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