i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm always down for nudity.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
