Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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